      Scientists Discover New Element

      The heaviest element known to science, was recently
discovered by physicists at the Yale's Research Center.  The
element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or
electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does
have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons 75 vice-neutrons and 11
assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force
that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called morons.

      Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every
reaction it comes in contact with.  According to the discoverers,
a minute amount of administratium caused a reaction to take over
four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than
one second.

      Administratium has a normal life of approximately three
years, at which time it does not actually decay but, instead,
undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons,
vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Some
studies have shown that the atomic weight usually increases after
each reorganization.

      Research at other laboratories indicate that administratium
occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at
certain points such as government agencies, large corporations,
universities and can actually be found in the newest, best
maintained buildings.

      Scientists point out that administratium is known to be
toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any
productive reactions  where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts
are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled
to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not
promising.




