# CODE OF CONDUCT AND INTERPERSONAL DISPUTE RESOLUTION FRAMEWORK

*WHEREAS* contributors to this project may, from time to time, encounter disagreements of a technical or procedural nature, whether foreseeable or arising from unforeseen operational contingencies,

*WHEREAS* such disagreements have historically resulted in extended exchanges, contradictory assertions, and the occasional strongly worded remark, thereby posing a non‑trivial risk to project cohesion and stakeholder morale,

*WHEREAS* the parties acknowledge and affirm the longstanding maritime tradition of resolving disputes through structured insult‑based dueling, and further recognize its potential applicability within a modern collaborative environment,

*NOW THEREFORE*, in the interest of maintaining orderly collaboration and promoting fair resolution of disputes, the following Code of Conduct is hereby established and adopted.

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## ARTICLE I — DEFINITIONS

*1.1* "Participant" shall mean any individual contributing to this project, whether intentionally or through navigational error.

*1.2* "Good Faith" shall mean conduct consistent with professional courtesy and the general expectations of civil society, insofar as such expectations can be reasonably ascertained.

*1.3* "The Duel" shall mean the formal procedure for resolving disputes through the regulated exchange of insults, conducted in accordance with established custom and without recourse to physical implements.

*1.4* "The Lists of Contest" shall mean the designated location for The Duel, recognized as neutral ground for the duration of the proceedings and subject to standard sanitation protocols.

*1.5* "Victory" shall mean the attainment of five points through demonstrated superiority in the delivery and parrying of insults, as adjudicated by consensus or appointed observer.

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## ARTICLE II — RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES THROUGH INSULT DUELING

### Section 2.1 — General Provisions

(a) All disputes arising within the scope of this project shall, without exception or delay, be submitted to resolution through The Duel, contingent upon the presence and general coherence of both Participants, such coherence to be determined according to the ordinary standards of the community.

(b) The Duel shall occur upon the Lists of Contest, said Lists being any conference room, courtyard, or other duly designated locale mutually assented to by the Participants, provided always that such locale is reasonably free from excessive ambient noise and other auditory impediments inconsistent with the solemnity of the proceedings.

(c) Exchanges conducted in chat channels, issue threads, commit logs, or passive-aggressive code comments shall not constitute a Duel and shall have no binding effect.

(d) Any Participant who, upon proper notice, declines or otherwise fails to engage in The Duel shall be deemed to have forfeited their position by default and shall forthwith furnish the customary beverage, without evasion, delay, or recourse to procedural objections.

### Section 2.2 — Commencement and Conduct

(a) Participants shall arrive punctually at the appointed hour and shall commence the proceedings by offering a formal acknowledgment of readiness, which may take the form of a nod, handshake, or verbal confirmation, each of which shall be deemed equally valid for all purposes herein.

(b) The initiating insult shall be delivered promptly and with sufficient volume to be clearly audible to all present.

(c) Insults shall pertain exclusively to matters of code quality, architectural decisions, professional practice, documentation deficiencies, or demonstrable incompetence in the art of insult dueling itself.

(d) Insults referencing personal characteristics, protected attributes, family relations, or matters unrelated to professional conduct are strictly prohibited and shall result in immediate forfeiture.

(e) Example exchanges demonstrating acceptable form:
   - "Your code is so poorly structured, even a trained monkey would refactor it."
   - "How appropriate. You review code like a trained monkey."

(f) Participants shall respond to each insult with a counter‑insult demonstrating relevance, coherence, and adherence to established forms. Failure to respond within ten seconds shall constitute a procedural lapse and shall be recorded as such for scoring purposes.

(g) Repetition of previously deployed insults, whether by oneself or one's opponent, shall be grounds for point deduction.

### Section 2.3 — Scoring and Determination of Outcome

(a) Points shall be awarded for clear, well-structured insults; timely and contextually appropriate counter-insults; and demonstrably skillful rhetorical maneuvers that leave the opponent momentarily unable to respond.

(b) Scoring shall be conducted by mutual agreement or, in the event of dispute, by a neutral third party selected from among the project's senior contributors.

(c) The first Participant to achieve five points shall be declared the victor and shall have final authority over the disputed technical matter.

(d) The defeated Participant shall, upon conclusion of The Duel, accept the prevailing technical solution as final, binding, and not subject to appeal, and shall provide a beverage of reasonable quality to the victor within one business day, time being of the essence.

(e) The Duel shall conclude with the customary acknowledgment, to be recited by both Participants in unison:

   *"You are rubber, I am glue."*

(f) Failure to recite the closing acknowledgment shall be considered unsportsmanlike conduct and may result in social disapproval.

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## ARTICLE III — PROHIBITED CONDUCT

*3.1* The following behaviors are expressly forbidden and shall result in immediate disqualification:

(a) Introduction of physical objects, implements, or gestures intended to intimidate.

(b) Insults referencing matters of a personal, medical, familial, or otherwise protected nature.

(c) Shouting, excessive profanity, or any conduct reasonably calculated to alarm bystanders shall constitute a breach of decorum and shall result in immediate disqualification.

(d) Refusal to shake hands, acknowledge the victor, or provide the customary beverage.

*3.2* Participants found in violation of Article III shall forfeit their position and may be subject to further sanctions as determined by project leadership, up to and including temporary suspension from contribution privileges.

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## ARTICLE IV — MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS

*4.1* This Code of Conduct shall remain in effect unless amended by majority vote of active contributors or rendered obsolete by the discovery of a superior dispute resolution mechanism.

*4.2* All Duels shall be documented in the project archive for reference purposes and to provide instructional examples for future Participants.

*4.3* In the event of ambiguity, contradiction, or interpretive uncertainty, the spirit of good‑natured verbal sparring shall govern, superseding any strict or literal construction of the foregoing provisions.

*4.4* Beverages provided pursuant to Section 2.3(d) should be of a type commonly enjoyed in professional settings and shall not include anything requiring refrigeration beyond standard room temperature tolerance.

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*ADOPTED* this day by consensus of the contributing parties, in the interest of maintaining order, promoting civil discourse, and preventing the escalation of disputes into unproductive territory. Grrr
