#!/usr/bin/perl

use strict;
use warnings;

use lib qw'../lib lib';

use Acme::LOLCAT;

print translate( prebuilt_insult() ), "\n";

sub prebuilt_insult {
  my @insults = (
  "English is your second language, isn't it? You don't have a first.",
  "Just when I think, \"Surely this person has reached and encapsulates the limits of Internet tedium\" you go and push the boundary even further.",
  "I refer to your latest discharge of plebeian verbiage; in which, you have proven, once again, that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.",
  "Just when I think I've read the stupidest thing ever, you go and say something else",
  "Thank you! We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view, you ridiculous little carnival freak.",
  "Is there a gibberish translator in the house? I can't make head nor nail of that uber-babble you flung onto the screen during your latest spasmodic seizure.",
  "I see that you are fluent in Gibbering Moronese. Unfortunately, I'm not. You generate more waffle than the waffle making machine in a waffle factory.",
  "Sorry. I don't speak retardese. Can you get someone to translate into meaningful English before you spew noise from your mouth, please?",
  "Do you speak any language that non-gibbering idiots can understand?",
  "Congratulations! You have just proved the theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.",
  "It sounds like English; it even looks like English, but I can't understand a word you're blabbering.",
  "The Anti-Moron software on my PC went crazy when I started to read what you just said",
  "You read like a gimpzoid teenager splashing spit onto the monitor. Don't you ever have a point beyond giving your fingers some exercise by dancing them randomly over the keyboard?",
  "Keep typing. Maybe, someday, you'll randomly type something semi-intelligent.",
  "When I want your monkey-brained opinion I'll rattle your cage, okay?",
  "You amaze me! I didn't think it was possible for one person to possess such a vast reservoir of undiluted gibberish!",
  "If there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement.",
  "I used to think that you were a gibbering idiot. Now, after reading your latest statement, I have a much lower opinion of you.",
  "I don't know what makes you such a worthless person, but it really works!",
  "You would be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle.",
  "I don't think you are a fool after reading what you say, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?",
  "It seems your fingers not only did your typing, but did your thinking too. Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?",
  "Are you normally this dumb or are you just having a blonde moment?",
  "Trying to get something of value out of what you say is like trying to squeeze orange juice out of an apple.",
  "I suppose I should have some sympathy for your handicap. You are obviously paralyzed from the neck up.",
  "Thanks for your contribution, but if I had wanted to hear from somebody with your IQ, I'd be at my local supermarket talking to the vegetables.",
  "Why don't you shrink your head and use it as a paperweight? It's not much use for writing anything intelligent with, that's for sure.",
  "It's just as well you can type, for if you had to speak your mind, you'd be speechless.",
  "Clearly, you have lost your fingertip grip on reality and have descended into an abyss of irreversible lunacy.",
  "If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to run an ant's go-kart around the inside of a donut.",
  "If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow the kneecap off a flea.",
  "If your brain matter was axle grease, there wouldn't be enough in your head to grease the dynamo on a lightening bug's ass.",
  "Here's a tip: no one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy if you wear a wig to hide to the scars; stop spewing your drivel on irc, and learn to control the slobbering.",
  "If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to drive an ant's Go-cart around the inside of a bottle cap."
  );
  return $insults[ rand @insults ];
}
