From oracle-admin@soic.indiana.edu Fri Dec 13 07:22:38 2013 Received: from newman.soic.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.soic.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.98) with ESMTP id rBDCMca5026167; Fri, 13 Dec 2013 07:22:38 -0500 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.soic.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id rBDCMcBQ026164; Fri, 13 Dec 2013 07:22:38 -0500 Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2013 07:22:38 -0500 From: oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Message-Id: <201312131222.rBDCMcBQ026164@newman.soic.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1524 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1524 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1524 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2013 07:22:27 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1524 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1519 22 votes 57262 32773 18580 06952 18823 28453 69322 17554 56731 26851 1519 2.9 mean 2.7 3.2 2.9 3.1 2.9 3.0 2.3 3.2 2.5 2.9 --- 1524-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Well! I'm satisfied...for now. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No problem, mate. Just leave bucket, rope and handle the way that you } found them. --- 1524-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Am I the only one submitting tellme's? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Am I the only one submitting askme's? --- 1524-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Come, let us reason together. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmm, no. The guitar bit is good but the lyrics just don't work. Try } "come together" } } Once more, from the top. Oh, and tell Billy to bring me my shears. } } You owe the Oracle a hidden message about my death in the lyrics. --- 1524-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The bunny rabbits is coming! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Century XXI, Quarto .5 } } Bugs and his legion he approaches from behind, } With bright orange veggie he asketh the Doctor what is up. } With spear and magic helmet the other makes his move } Though you will have to be vewy quiet. } } The Oracle hath spokeneth. } } BALANCE DUE: $59.95 or a pot of hasenpfeffer. --- 1524-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Presumptably because of your astoundingly good abilities at > mind-reading and other flim-flammery I've seen you produce > exquisite answers to the null question. > > What sort of exquisite question would produce a null answer? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Almost this! --- 1524-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dig it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I'd rather not. Are there any other funeral parlors around? --- 1524-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What this: dye? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, it's a colon, so you can stop wasting your time trying to color } Easter eggs with it. --- 1524-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Did it work right this time? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, let's look back at plan and the results, shall we? } } Step 1: Visitor presses button for doorbell. } Results: Success. } } Step 2: Doorbell wakes sleeping dog. } Results: Success. } } Step 3: Dog barks and pulls on leash trying to get to door. } Results: Success. } } Step 4: Leash pull opens crate with angry cat inside. } Results: Success. } } Step 5: Angry cat exits cage and distracts dog from door. } Results: Success. } } Step 6: Angry cat bolts from room and dog pulls even harder on leash. } Results: Success. } } Step 7: Crate, now without cat, is lighter and is pulled off of table } by dog leash. } Results: Success. } } Step 8: Crate no longer blocks bowling ball, which rolls off table. } Results: Success. } } Step 9: Bowling ball lands in dog water bowl. } Results: Success. } } Step 10: Splashed water starts electrical fire in carefully positioned } toaster. } Results: Success. } } Step 11: Fire burns through rope holding suspended piano. } Results: Success. } } Step 12: Falling piano creates breeze to knock over house of cards. } Results: Success. } } Step 13: Collapsed house of cards covers vent on projector. } Results: Success. } } Step 14: Projector bulb overheats and blows. } Results: Success. } } Step 15: Projector no longer shines on porch ambient light sensor. } Results: Success. } } Step 16: Porch light turns on. } Results: Success. } } Step 17: Porch light illuminates visitor on doorstep. } Results: Failure. } } Analysis of failure: } It seems the rope used in step 11 takes quite a while to burn, so the } postman gave up waiting and just left the box next to the doorstep. } } Additional sub-failure: the piano has crushed your delivery. } } You owe the Oracle a very straight-forward way to pay my internet bill. --- 1524-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why does the Riddle Troll claim to be Christian? He is NOT. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That's a standard complaint. Many Baptists say that Mormons are not } Christian. Many Christians say that Muslims are not Christian, and they } are probably right. Many Muslims say that Christians and Jews are } really Muslims, but are ignorant or confused. Many religious people of } many persuasions do not believe in the Internet Oracle, in spite of the } evidence. Religion is quite a big mess. } } How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Hint: Three, } but they're really one. } } Oops, the hint was the entire answer. } } You owe the Oracle some Lions and their light bulbs. Add a Kiwanis if } you want, too. --- 1524-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Jim Jones was totally evil, as evil as Darth Vader.=A0Given=A0his > ability t= o dupe=A0his followers, he must have been quite a gifted > actor and=20 speaker.=A0The name "Jim" is also short for "James", and > the People's=20 Temple consisted mostly of African Americans. One can't > help but notice=20 all these pieces of data=A0tend to point to one > conclusion, which raises=20 the question: contrary to the popular > account, did Jim Jones survive the tr= agedy at Jonestown, re-enter the > United States, and re-invent himself as an= > actor=A0with the assumed identity "James Earl Jones"? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } He went on to greater evils, like creating quoted-printable.