From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Fri Mar 22 21:37:53 2013 Received: from newman.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.97) with ESMTP id r2N1brU5016282; Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:37:53 -0400 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id r2N1brad016279; Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:37:53 -0400 Date: Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:37:53 -0400 From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <201303230137.r2N1brad016279@newman.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1514 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1514 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1514 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 22 Mar 2013 21:37:42 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1514 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1509 24 votes 33882 2b731 2246a 27c30 017c4 125b5 26853 43872 18492 1b840 1509 3.1 mean 3.1 2.6 3.8 2.7 3.8 3.7 3.0 3.0 3.1 2.6 --- 1514-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Many years ago when my father explained to me the Facts of Life > (yes, "The Talk"), he ended by asking if I had any other questions. > I asked him how they make string. He just laughed, and I never > did get a good answer. How DO they make string? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they pool their } income, apply for a loan, and purchase a factory designed for the task. } } Inside the factory are eighteen workers harvesting silk from twenty-six } thousand, three hundred and sixty-four argiope catenulata (the grass } cross spider). } } These spiders are replaced by a separate breeding facility, but your } father already explained how that works. --- 1514-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise and PC on a PC, > > What is Uncle Tom's Cabinet? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Henry Dearborn was the secretary of War. Both Levi Lincoln } and James Madison held the post of secretary of State. Levi } Lincoln served also for a time as Attorney General, as did } John Breckinridge and Caesar Rodney. Samuel Dexter and Albert } Gallatin were secretaries of the Treasury. I could go on but } I won't, since at that time there were only four such offices } in total. } } All these facts would likely be lost in the mists of time had } not Peter Carr, nephew to Thomas Jefferson, written his perky } best-seller of 1810, Uncle Tom's Cabinet, in which he revealed } that lovely first lady Sally Hemings convinced these secretaries } to write up an early draft of the Emancipation Proclamation, and } then go make coffee for her and the President. Since the IBM } Selectric typewriter was not invented until 1961, nor Mister } Coffee until a decade later, it is unclear how these secretaries } filled their time most other days, and there can be no surprise } that they died mainly of boredom rather than from consumption, } syphilis, bloodletting, or theater assassination, as most of } their contemporaries were wont to do. } } Other tidbits gleaned from this novel are that Jefferson never } named an Assistant Associate Undersecretary for Veterans Affairs, } for reasons that may have made sense at the time but seem quaint } today in light of the crucial nature of the post, and he had no } secretary of the Air Force, probably due to some asinine Senate } filibuster in retaliation for Jefferson bombing the Hindenberg } at Pearl Harbor his first week in office. } } Finally, let it never be forgotten that Benjamin Franklin was } the only President of the United States never to be President } of the United States. This has nothing to do with Thomas } Jefferson or his nephew, but I was listening to a Firesign } Theater album last night and this fact came to mind. } } You owe the Oracle a nomination for secretary of Peace. --- 1514-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } * No. Here's why. } ** I use org mode in emacs. } ** Org mode can export into LaTeX. } } * You owe the Oracle } ** An implementation of emacs on his ancient pearl-inlaid Chinese abacus } ** An implementation of perl on the same device (naturally). } ** A photo of Costello as he throws the ball to Naturally. --- 1514-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Is cocaine all that it is cracked up to be? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You wouldn't happen to be the one who does crank calls to me about } meth, are you? --- 1514-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Orrie, with all due respect, you need incarnations with more > imagination. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, no, no. What I need is supplicants with lower expectations, and } with questions that can be answered by a simple, Yes, No, or How Should } I Know. Much of my transcription work gets farmed out to illiterate } geeks with no knowledge of writing human languages at all. Some of them } even have trouble with the concept, "Duhhh." They code well in python, } though. } } The answer to your next question, which you now owe the Oracle, is } Duhhh. --- 1514-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Are you in or out? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I'm out and loooving iiiiiit!!! --- 1514-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The enemy of my enemy is _____. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Carl. --- 1514-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why is this a "gateway"? Why not a "doorway" or an "archway"? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The concept of a "gate" covers more territory. Think of floodgates, or } of the Pearly Gates of Heaven and the Fiery Gates of Hell, or of the } Unavoidable Gates of Microsoft. --- 1514-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "You are young," said the Oracle, to immature William, > "And your beard has not yet become long; > And yet you quite frequently trim your Brazilian, > Don't you think, at your age, it is wrong?" And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "I sure am young," Will answered to Orrie, } "And I spend time on Facebook befriending. } And I'd rather go now, so as for this story, } Is it possible we're now at the ending?" --- 1514-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Of course I didn't ask a question; don't change the subject. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Mr. Trebek, why do you put yourself in such Jeopardy?