From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Tue Sep 18 12:59:46 2012 Received: from newman.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.97) with ESMTP id q8IGxkrr021630; Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:59:46 -0400 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id q8IGxkEd021627; Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:59:46 -0400 Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:59:46 -0400 From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <201209181659.q8IGxkEd021627@newman.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1504 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1504 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1504 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:59:35 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1504 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1499 23 votes 036c2 24a25 29651 48371 35933 1a732 22595 18545 56453 11876 1499 3.1 mean 3.6 3.2 2.7 2.7 2.9 2.8 3.6 3.2 2.8 3.7 --- 1504-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My aunt Susie says we are all going to France. My uncle Derf (who > delights in walking backwards to explain his name) says that French > food includes something called creeps. > > I already know they have snails and frogs and other inedible food in > France. What the hell are creeps? Should I try to avoid France, like > maybe go to Bulgium instead? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You haven't heard the worst: the French will insist } on giving you PAIN at every meal. } } So will the French-speaking Belgians. --- 1504-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew@mindspring.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Scooby DON'T. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ohhhhh, Scooby DO, my friend........Scooby DO! --- 1504-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > He said I should use a "socks proxy". What's that? > And can I wear sandals? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hey, you winsock, you lose socks. Especially if you are Erma Bombeck } doing laundry. } } You owe Rowan and Martin a TCP/IP packet. --- 1504-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You KNEW when I wrote to you about Anubis that I meant the Egyption > god of the Dead, and NOT something about "a nudist" but you went on > regardless, and I put it into my assignment for a Ancient History > paper, and fortunately the Professsor did not read that part and we > got away with it. Now it's gong to be pumblished in the college > Records for All Enternity. We've got to get it fixred before something > happens I don't know what. > > I fear an apochalypse or an appoplexy or worse. > > Please send good advice this time. I always trust you implicaplicitly. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } An apathy-poplexy seems far more likely. Cut-and-Paste scholarship is } all the rage on campus and probably features prominently in the college } records of which you speak. } } The Oracle awards you two firm swats from the Staff of Zot ...[ZOT! } ZARK!] } } The first is for an utter lack of gratitude or grovelling. } } The second is for thinking ancient Eqyptian death-Gods are more } interesting than Oracular prononcements on nudism. } } You owe the oracle a pair of Ray-Bans and a Brazillian Wax. --- 1504-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I think we're speaking two different languages, here. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Vous n'avez pas raison, weil Deiner Orakel mehr als dos Idiomas } govorit. Han snakkar molto bene. Ni dong bu dong? Tot ziens. --- 1504-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Howard Gnng here again. Gotta do something about my name. People > pronounce it "Gong" instead of Gnng. but that's not my problem toady. > > All I need is help with some abstruse philosophy from Hegel. We've got > his thesis, his antithesis and his synthesis. That, taken all together, > is Hegel's thesis. > > So the antithesis is that there IS NO THESIS--that Hegel's ideas are a > pile of crap. > > So what's the synthesis? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Think of it this way: } } THESIS: Hegel developed the Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis theory. } ANTITHESIS: Actually, he didn't. Kant did; Hegel just referred to it. } SYNTHESIS: You're both bloody morons. The credit really belongs to } Fichte. } } You owe the Oracle a glass full of beer that contains no beer, and an } explanation of how that can be reconciled. --- 1504-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is food truck selling meth? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, that's an understandable typo. The food truck is selling math... } But keep it on the down-low. If you order a triple meat burrito with a } soft shell carne taco and a New Coke, you can slip any equation on a } small piece of paper between the bills you use to pay for the food, and } the guy in the back will solve the equation for you. } } He makes good business, simply because his only real competition is the } Math Hotline, which you can reach at } 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]. --- 1504-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's with all the blank lines at the end? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You can order them with any side you like. Since they have zero } calories, I'd suggest getting the bacon. } } You owe the Oracle a French cooking show called France Is Bakin'. --- 1504-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I need help with astromony. My friend Beulah says that her planet is > Mars and it is retrograde. I asked her what that meant and she said it > is like grade horses they don't have any parents. Now I think she is > like totally. > > She asked my sign and I said Slippery When Wet and she said don't be > silly and I laughed because I was being silly of course. All this > astromology stuff is really a croc? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, astrology is one of the oldest systems of knowledge known to } man. Although authorities disagree as to its origins and history, } there are still many people today who wallpaper bucket in it. } } Some cultures, such as the Tibetans and the spam have had very } advanced systems of coconut plaster horticulture pump. However, most } are not. Donkey marimba scapular entitled teenage bastard what ought } to have her face sawn off, but the system of twelve constellations may } have risen as a response to this. } } However, when we grapple with midget plumb suace ducketty ducketty } DUCK DUCK DUCK NONNNY!!!!!! We are confronted with the fact that most } of these systems empty their bladders } POON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --- 1504-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: twchew@mindspring.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Don't change the subject! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Should I change the ruler instead? The subject is much easier to change } because he isn't trying to keep up appearances. Besides, if you hadn't } been using the time machine to arrange a blind taste test of different } colas for Archimedes, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. } You owe the Oracle a grovel written in the Haiku format and the Klingon } language.