From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Mon Oct 24 08:35:10 2011 Received: from newman.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.93) with ESMTP id p9OCZAqa013016; Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:35:10 -0400 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id p9OCZAOA013013; Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:35:10 -0400 Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:35:10 -0400 From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <201110241235.p9OCZAOA013013@newman.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1490 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1490 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1490 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 08:34:58 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1490 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1485 23 votes 15962 135a4 44960 34a42 11786 02a74 04487 37733 14927 27824 1485 3.3 mean 3.1 3.6 2.7 2.9 3.7 3.6 3.8 2.8 3.4 3.0 --- 1490-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The jerk store called and they're running out of you. > > (just kidding. Thanks) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } My plans for the weekend include staying in my hole until nighttime, } then going forth to search for cheese. } } I've tried both the best laid plans of mice and men, and those of mice } win hands down every time. } } You owe the Oracle a big bag of rice with a small hole in one corner. --- 1490-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Why am I me? Why aren't I, say, the guy who lives down the street? > It seems like a complete accident of fate that I wasn't born of his > mother, and he of mine. Why does the universe go to all the trouble > of keeping him and me separate, along with everyone else? It gets > kinda lonely this way, sometimes. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Actually, you're right, there was a mistake, and you should have been } someone else. Just not the guy who lives down the street. So if you'll } just allow me to initiate a matter transference beam, I'll just switch } the two of you and ..... } } ZAP! } } The supplicant looks around, he's in a tent. Peeking outside he sees } desert, and on the horizon a number of old trucks racing towards him. } As the trucks get closer the supplicant sees that they are heavily } armed. Looking around, there's nowhere to run. And then it's too late, } as the trucks drive up, and militia jump off the back. They approach } the supplicant, looking confused. A few of them dive into the tent, } come out looking confused, and speak in Arabic. Looking at the } supplicant's western features, one of the men approaches the } supplicant and points his gun in his face. } } "Where is he?" ... "you tell me, NOW!" } } Meanwhile in Pittsburgh, two middle managers are speaking. } } "We got the new HTML coder in on Friday?" } } "Really? what's he like?" } } Sort of a weird looking dude, but he seems to be able to do the job?" } } "Well, that's all that's important, but you look concerned." } } "Oh, it's nothing, ...., it's just that, ...." } } "Yes?" } } "It's just that, ..... he does look the spitting image ofMuammar } Gaddafi". --- 1490-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > After stealing other people's jokes, I just learned that someone stole > one of mine. Should I be furious or flattered? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Just remember the old saying: imitation is the sincerest } form of asking for a lawsuit. } } You owe the Oracle the punchline to that one joke that } starts, "a lawyer walks into a bar...". --- 1490-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } OK. Du you know how much time and effort I put into creating an } answer for you? It's the best answer ever! The one that would } receive a score of all sevens! And now you don't even want to } ask the question? You ungrateful bastard! --- 1490-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Scrumptious but repulsive Oracle, your inherent contradictions are the > one true source of my happiness. Your ability to Know the Unknowable is > legendary. I've even heard that you can screw the inscrutable and eff > the ineffable. > > How are these things done? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ineluctably and indefatigably, of course. And please don't try to } eluct or defatig yourself, as it just leaves an incredible mess for } me to cred up afterward. } } Would you like me to show you what I do to insufferable supplicants? } } You owe the Oracle something inedible for him to ed. --- 1490-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dear Sir or Madam, } } I hereby cancel my subscription to "Accurate Astrology Quarterly." } } Sincerly, } The Internet Oracle --- 1490-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What is a Cherubini? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A brimless hat with a propeller on top, worn by Italian angels } who haven't yet earned their wings or their fashion sense. } } You owe the Oracle a Lamborghini. --- 1490-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Oh Wise Most Parsable and, > > all Lately words my to seem coming be switched out order in. > two Word before comes one word, cetera et. you Can me help > some make of sense world the, at or help least world the make to > out sense me of? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Just admit it! YOU are the one who wrote Google Translate! --- 1490-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How are you this fine December? > I assume you still remember? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes I do, Diddy, you were rap, rap, rapping at my chamber door. } } You owe Lenore this month's child support payment. --- 1490-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > !rorrim a otni llef I !pleH And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } .dniheb ruoy hctaw dnA .noitautis ruoy nopu tcelfeR .era uoy ereht } ,yawynA .ylpitlum yehT .tuo lecnac t'nod yeht ,oN .llew sa reddal a } rednu llaf uoy sselnu ,kcul dab 'sraey ne7es evah ll'uoy ro ,gnihtyna } kaerb ot ton luferac eB .nebeirhcseg hcstueD fua driw sella erehw } ,airtsuA ni rO .llew sa ndsipe pomu eb dluow uoy erehw ,ailartsuA ni eb } dluoc uoy--ffo esrow eb dluoc uoY .ylisae daer nac uoy taht rewsna na } uoy etirw ot si od nac I lla taht diarfa m'I