Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.


Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.


Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.


Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.


Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.


Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.


Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.


Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.


Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.


Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.


Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.


Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.


Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.


Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.


Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.


Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.


Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.


Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.


Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.


Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."


Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.


Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.


Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)


Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
A: Hair transplants.


Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.


Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!


Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !


Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.


Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.


Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.


Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.


Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.


Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)


Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.


Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.


Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? 
A: One.


Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.


Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.


Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.


Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.


Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.


Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.


Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.


Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."


Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.


Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.


Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better. They are easier to keep amused.


Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.


Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.


Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!


Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.


Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.


Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.


Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.


Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".


Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.


Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!


Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.


Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.


Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.


Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home.


Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747


Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.


Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.


Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.


Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.


Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.


Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.


Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.


Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.


Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.


Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.


Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.


Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.


Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!


Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.


Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Bobbing for Bimbos.


Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.


Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.


Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.


Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.


Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.


Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.


Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.


Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?