From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Wed Apr 29 10:06:09 2015 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-0b8MfSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 345CB100502; Wed, 29 Apr 2015 10:06:09 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1551 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20150429140609.345CB100502@kinzler.com> Date: Wed, 29 Apr 2015 10:06:09 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1551 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1551 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Wed, 29 Apr 2015 10:05:57 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1551 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1546 20 votes 15581 34274 44840 33734 06b21 08534 06950 02882 37460 17552 1546 3.0 mean 3.1 3.2 2.6 3.1 2.9 3.1 3.0 3.5 2.6 3.0 --- 1551-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > It suddenly got quiet again. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes. It was having trouble with the spelling, and first it got quiet, } but then corrected itself to quite, and still wasn't sure. After trying } queit and quote, it finally got quiet again, suddenly realizing that } that was the correct word. } } You owe the Oracle a new spell of invisibility. --- 1551-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Should I suspect the soup? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes. It's positively primordial today. --- 1551-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Press proudly presents: > > 'Hamlet', by Louis L'Amour: And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The tiny western hamlet of Hattan's Point is a sleepy town until the } day that Matt Brennan seems to bring with him a heated, all out war } that involves practically everyone in town. Matt makes friends and } enemies with equal ease. He also finds the love of his life and is in } hot pursuit despite her being the daughter of one of the main } combatants in the feud. Is she named Ophelia? Find out! Read L'Amour's } Silver Canyon. --- 1551-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I have artism? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Artism, as you must be aware, is a spectrum disorder. Often, people go } undiagnosed for years, as they are thought simply to have a colorful } personality. However, with deep introspection and sometimes } professional guidance, a fuller picture emerges. A good evaluation } against the criteria for artism can provide the artistic individual } with a frame of reference for so much that seemed confusing. I know } that lately there seems to be a great hue and cry about the "epidemic" } of artism, to the point where the media seems to be saturated with this } dreary line, but brighten up! If you stay composed, artism doesn't have } to be a drawback! --- 1551-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > So apparently there is a risk of thrush, but what's the mechanism > for that? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dear Mr. Supplicant, } } Thank you for your fourth letter regarding the matter. We repeat our } request to clean up your balcony after your breakfasts. } } To answer your question of the mechanism of thrushes: They're bloody } birds. They like grain and bakery products. That's why they're swarming } over the estate each morning. } } Please comply and do not write us any further letters, or we will have } to hand the matter over to our lawyers. } } Kind Regards } } Oracular Property Management LTD --- 1551-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Good afternoon my dearfriend! > > I am the beginner in the Internet also was the first attempt to find > friends inthe Internet. I feel slightly uncertainly. I was registered > on this site and found your structure. It is interesting to meto learn > you closer. I have overlooked to speak you about myself. My name Elena > and I am 26 years. Ilive in small city of Russia. I hope that it does > not frighten you. My opinion has no value for you, but Iwant that you > knew that I have only the good relation to you and your country. I > want that you wrote to me on my personal address - gexevymin@yandex.ru > > I shall hope that you write to me very soon. I shall send necessarily > to you mysome photos when you will write to me! And I also want to see > your photos. I sincerely wait for your letter. Do not overlook > gexevymin@yandex.ru mailto:gexevymin@yandex.ru > > Sincerely yours Elena And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dearest Elena, } } I, the Internet Oracle, am flattered by your offer of friendship, } however, I must admit that I suspect you may be looking for a sort of } relationship which I am not willing to partake of with you. You see, I } don't believe you are a 26 year old lady from Russia. I think you are a } robot in a server in California. } } You owe the Oracle: Photos stolen from a mail-order bride website. You } can keep the bride, the Oracle only wants the photos for a personal } collection. The Oracle is very interested in "art." --- 1551-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm the young lad from Iran > Whose limericks never will scan. > They ask me the reason. > "Your toes that are freezin'?" > And I tell them it's because I always try to put as many words into the > last line as I possibly can. > > Please tell me something that'll warm my toes. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Socks. } } You owe me a limerick about socks, that is also acrostic about socks. --- 1551-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is Google making us stupid? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I'm here to explain mysteries, not banalities. Please don't send me } questions that you could answer yourself within seconds with a simple } google query. --- 1551-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm afraid I'm not as young as I used to be. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Your fears are well founded. Remember that Anna Russell used to say (in } "How to Write Your Own Gilbert and Sullivan Opera"), "I'm afraid that } my quartet singing isn't what it use to be." Remember also that she } would then sing a quartet all by herself, including a very nasal tenor. } } Miss Russell has now passed over to join the Quartet Invisible, } which she presumably sings all by herself. } } You, the Supplicant Invisible, are not yet dead, but being invisible } are As Good As Dead. Check The Mikado (by G&S) for the inestimable } virtue of being found to be As Good As Dead. } } You owe the Oracle your own head, snicker-snacked with a vorpal blade, } on a platter. --- 1551-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > [?] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hm, a single button. } *Click* } } About Supplisoft Null Question Generator v. 11.2.0.4 } [Upgrade to 12.1.0.2] } } (C) 2015 The Internet Supplicant. } } NQG is designed by Supplicants, a global community working together to } make the Oracle's life as miserable as possible. } } Want to help? Make a donation or get involved!