From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Mon Mar 23 08:05:37 2015 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-3b8MfSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 407481015AD; Mon, 23 Mar 2015 08:05:37 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1550 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20150323120537.407481015AD@kinzler.com> Date: Mon, 23 Mar 2015 08:05:37 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1550 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1550 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Mon, 23 Mar 2015 08:05:25 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1550 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1545 17 votes 66410 15722 14840 21725 35531 17342 14723 32516 16631 13832 1545 2.9 mean 2.0 2.9 2.9 3.4 2.6 2.9 3.1 3.3 2.8 3.1 --- 1550-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Many happy returns, I think? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There will be 1040 returns this year. } } You owe the Oracle your refund, and a method for listing woodchucks as } dependents. --- 1550-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MVS Gmail The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle, violent hammerer of Steins! > > I seem to have lost my copy of the lyrics to 'Lisa does Bloomington, > the musical'. Can you help me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Look, I can't find my copy right now, even though I am sure that I know } where it is. Instead see the attached copy of "Zadoc Does the Lambada". } } You will notice as you look through it that Zadoc seems to be mumbling } about calculus instead of dancing. Apparently he thought it was going } to be Lambda, as in a mathematical variable or function. } } You owe the Oracle a set of instructions for using emacs lisp lambda } expressions, as well as some underground shots of East Chicago, } Indiana. --- 1550-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MVS Gmail The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "Don't believe everything you read on the internet just because it's > attributed to some famous person." --Abraham Lincoln And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "they don't call it the Net of a Million Lies for nothing" - JRR } Tolkien. } } you owe the Oracle a copy of "Lord of the Rings", written by Stephenie } Meyer. --- 1550-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yeah, nothing asked, nothing answered, as usual. } } Seeing as I'm not going to answer this non-question, I might as well } recite some Vogon poetry I found, about 45 years ago, in a book that } was glued to the bottom of my car. I put it into a cast-iron book box } so that it would not harm my shelves. } } Oh dear, I cannot find my book of Vogon poetry. Zadoc seems to have } mistaken it for rubbish and tossed it out. There's a nasty stain in the } back garden where I think it sank into the ground, burning the soil. } } Instead, I'll recommend that you read "The Tay Bridge Disaster" by } Scottish poet William McGonagall. You really would have preferred th } Vogon stuff, I'm sure. --- 1550-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Got any sugar for me? The literal kind, I mean; I wanna bake cookies. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Sorry. I got some sugar, but only for making buns in the oven. --- 1550-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "Thank you, ladies. And Suppy." (Name obviously changed from Jim > Harrison Thorpe, Jr., to protect privacy.) > > The actual comment (mostly) to a Facebook post. Should I comment less > on women's stuff, then? Because that felt weird. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } As host of Saturday Night Live, Betty White said, "And, now that I do } know what Facebook is, I have to say... it sounds like a HUGE waste of } time." } } All the time you spend on the internet should be productively wasted } participating with the Oracle. } } You owe the Oracle some questions. Start with "What do people who work } at Facebook do to waste time at work?" --- 1550-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What did people do before italics was invented? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } They used latinics. --- 1550-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What did people do before italics was invented? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Lean. --- 1550-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I know that you get some totally insane questions, such as from the > Riddle Troll or the Insane Guy. > > I've always wondered what those questions were. Care to share any with > me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } [If you have a short attention span, please meet me under the equals } signs.] } ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ } } Sure, the Riddle Troll once submitted: } } > If the Supreme Court all wore conical caps on their heads to indicate } > their idiocy, would they be a famous Medieval philosopher? } > } > (hint: acronym) } > } > Difficulty 4/5 } } Another time it was: } } > If the author of "The Raven" and "Annabel Lee" licked himself, then } > would "The Raven" and "Annabel Lee" be substandard, amateurish pieces } > of garbage? } > } > Difficulty: 5/5 } > } > (hint: divide up the word differently, but you are probably too } > ignorant to get this anyway) } } Nice guy, isn't he? } } The Insane Guy seems to think he's holding a conversation with me or } something, and once submitted: } } > Evolution is bullsh*t you stupid f***ing *sshole. Otherwise, throw a } > bunch of rotting organic matter in a bottle, shake it around, let it } > rot, and see if it can even evolve something as loathsome and debased } > as you, you pile of dog sh*t. It won't happen, *sshole, I guarantee } > it. So f*** you. There is no evoltion [sic], except for natural } > selection, which is micro, not macro evolution. } } And he thinks I can influence real world events: } } > Oh please, you *sshole, do NOT ALLOW HURRICANE SANDY TO STRIKE. } > DISSIPATE IT, YOU *SSHOLE!!! } } He doesn't seem to get the humor of this site: } } (in response to my "I don't get the joke":) } } } I told you, *ssmunch you need to subscribe & even then UR not } guaranteed to get one. Watch "Ask A Ninja". They got some good ones } there. } } Leave us alone. We are a close knit society. We don't need or want } *ssholes like you detracting from the aims of this site, which } consists of diarrhea, puns and Christian apologetics. If you have } nothing to contribute there, get the f*** out. Your contributions are } both unwelcome and unneeded. } } } } In fact, we are switching to a members only format next month, so we } won't even have to worry about dipsh*ts like you polluting this } important forum with your extraneous bullsh*t. } } } } Go away. You violate the ethos of this site. } } } } Thanks for being considerate. } } Notice how he tries to draw me away from the Oracle, claims to be part } of a "close knit society", claims to be part of a new format "next } month" (this was in 2012), and refers to himself as "us." (Or maybe } he has a clam in his pocket? Or a monkey?) } } I have no conclusive proof that all three are the same person, but so } far my theory hasn't failed me yet. I have more examples, too, but } that should do for now. } } I have long suspected these two are the same, but I couldn't prove it } to anyone satisfactorily. } ================================================ } } Actually, the Oracle and His priests don't really care about anything } but family-friendly humor, for certain definitions of the word. } (Addams?) Just try to treat jokes as jokes, serious questions as } serious, and anything else as garbage. The Oracle appreciates it, and } wishes you peace, love, rainbows and unicorns - preferably ones that } DON'T play leapfrog. (But the rainbows can play leapfrog.) --- 1550-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I wanted to investigate the parameters but instead I got the > Parmenters, who live down the street in the fat yellow house with the > goat chained in the front yard and the underground swimming pool. > > The method of variation of parameters used to be called the method of > variation of constants, but you can't vary constants! Calculus is so > crazy. Oh, I also forgot to mention, but now I rember, Constance > Parmenter is stunningly beautiful which may be why I flunked the last > calculus exam. She occupies my brain instead of mathematics. How can I > get to be alone with her near her underground swimming pool? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I know you like her. To you, she's the limit. But sadly, that limit is } of 1/x as x->0. You may never reach it. And if you try to substitute } yourself into that limit, trying and trying and trying to win her } heart, we can see that 1/desperation as desperation->infinity will } leave you a big zero. Yes, try as you might to integrate by parts with } her, your vector field will never converge. I'm sorry, my boy.