From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Sun Mar 1 09:21:02 2015 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-3x8MfSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id F413F1019C7; Sun, 1 Mar 2015 09:21:01 -0500 (EST) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1549 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20150301142101.F413F1019C7@kinzler.com> Date: Sun, 1 Mar 2015 09:21:01 -0500 (EST) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1549 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1549 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Sun, 01 Mar 2015 09:20:50 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1549 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1544 19 votes 17632 35740 01a53 37243 13393 02665 45721 16561 04771 08a10 1544 3.1 mean 2.9 2.6 3.5 2.8 3.5 3.7 2.5 3.0 3.3 2.6 --- 1549-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Please send me some new south whales. My cousin Edweird says he wants > new south whales for a Xmas present and that they are not the size I > would think, so that means they have to be a lot smaller. That would > mean you can fit one into a attanchmint to your reply. I guess I > spelled that worng. Maybe a picture of a whale would do. He also > mentioned prints of whales. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I'm out of whales. I have sent him the United Snakes of America. --- 1549-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I wanted to change my password, and I thought I would change it to > *****. The computer was rude to me and said my ***** was too short. How > could it know? My ***** isn't REALLY too short, is it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh, don't worry. Size does not matter, at least not solely. Other } numbers do too. A foreign or special character tends to improve } suitability as well. There's also a good argument that if it stands for } something bigger than initially visible, then despite looking a bit } random at first, it it can be very memorable, which is important, too. } } You owe the Oracle a less male dominated tech industry. --- 1549-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Please teach me the "okey-dokey" dance. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You have misunderstood, the Oracle teaches the 'OWie-OWie' dance. The } lessons include having one of my priests (disguised as the tooth } fairy) sneak into your house, sprinkle Lego pieces, hazel nuts, d4 } dice and marbles around your bed and remove all light bulbs while } you're sleeping. Then he'll set the smoke detector off. } } You don't owe me anything, I'll get my reward from America's Funniest } Videos. (Oh, I guess I forgot telling you about the night vision } cameras.) --- 1549-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Gorilla Glue $6.50. } Replacing supplicant's tooth paste: Priceless! --- 1549-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > This question is about middle initials. As you already know, my middle > initial is W, and yours is, of course I. I am not you, no matter how > appealing that thought may be. At least not now, not precisely now. > > What I want is the middle name of the famous explorer, Dr. Livingstone > I. Presume. I can pretty much guess it's not Internet, like yours. "Dr. > Livingstone Internet Presume" sounds especially stupid, and if it were > my name I would go and hide inside some dark place in Africa. Probably > in a lion or a hittopopamus. For Christmas. > > So who is I? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } 'Incarnation'. } } You see, although your history books never mention it, Dr. Livingstone } was a notorious queue drainer. When the supplicants finally found } him, he fled to Africa in an attempt to escape the lynching mob, but } he didn't count on Stanley's endurance and determination. } } You owe the Oracle more questions. --- 1549-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > ... :-) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Going skinhead would probably be a better idea than a comb over from } your eyebrows. --- 1549-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I didn't ask for this snow. Why do I have it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Someone else, more important than you, asked for it. That's democracy } for you. --- 1549-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Help me, I can't decide between these clothes or those. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Both make you look equally fat. PRETTY! PRETTY! I meant PRETTY! } You look gorgeous in everything! Honest! } } You owe the Oracle 'undo'. Or a doghouse. --- 1549-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I need some good advice. Here's a gold coin for payment. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Thank you. Here's my advice: } } Be careful with your money, and don't give away good gold for worthless } words. } } You owe the Oracle the rest of your gold. --- 1549-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's so bad about Communism? It's just about sharing everything. I > don't have anything, and I could sure use a share of what other people > have. Just as long as I don't have to give up my car. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Bad news, supplicant. You owe the Oracle, well, you know.